Starseeds: On Connection
and how the f* to make friends.
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Lonely Girl
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately.
I have been pondering a lot about connection. As a starseed.
I’m writing this from my home, on valentine’s day, drinking out of a heart-shaped mug, eating off a heart-shaped plate, while very intentionally consuming my third brownie from a batch that I made earlier that day — which I had infused deeply with the incantation: “you are so loved.”
My relationship with cacao is two-part: one of connection, and one of loneliness. Cacao is a deep, earthly, maternal connection to Mama Earth. To the heart. The womb. To Gaia. Chocolate is meant to open the heart and strengthen that connection to the mother. For me, I find when I crave cacao most often, it’s because I’m seeking to feel that love. I’m seeking a feeling.
I want love.
Nurturing.
Connection.
Contact.
I’m also bleeding, at this moment — deeply connected with my own needs, my own desires, my own body. Usually, this time of the month, I’m inaccessible. Off social media. Not answering texts. This particular cycle, however, I’ve noticed how much more I’ve been on my phone leading up to it. Calling friends, even though I know they’re at work and can’t answer (many of my friends live in a wide time difference from me). I’m replying to texts like I’m getting paid to do it, and I’m spending hours, countless hours, actually engaging on social media. Commenting. Replying to stories. Replying to carousels and reels with gusto.
Why?
Because I’m lonely.
I’m seeking connection.
I’m seeking touch, and comfort, and nervous system regulation. I’m seeking mutual understanding through eye contact and the calm, quiet buzz of being on the same frequency and vibration as another person.
I’m not depressed. I’m not sad, about anything in the current state of my life. I have no needs that aren’t getting met (except maybe comfort, as my 1890s home is uninsulated and this is the coldest winter we’ve had in Nova Scotia in ten years). Try telling someone to get down on the floor and stretch for the health of it when they’re wearing 3 layers up top, two pairs of socks and sleeping in a toque).
Generally, however, I am a happy person. I live a very quiet life, and I have a few but very close friends. None of them live in my immediate community. The closest friends I have live 2 hours away.
As starseeds, we’re here on a mission. We’re not here just to talk about connecting. We’re here to actually CONNECT. To help people FEEL our light. To help people SEE it. To let people WARM themselves in it. We literally cannot do that from our computer chairs. We cannot do that from the comfort of our homes.
For some of us, (or many of us), yes, that means putting ourselves out there online. In any way, shape or form. it means having the courage to do the thing — write the story, get on YouTube, paint the painting you channelled and show people. It means being brave in order to connect with like-minded souls out there, so less of us feel like we’re trying to shoulder the ‘light-bringer’ title all on our own.
But truthfully, after all the reflection I’ve heard from many other starseeds who are currently walking this path who are feeling lonely, I have some… discomforting news for you.
We’re not here to band together with a million other starseeds and seek refuge from the ‘muggle’ humans who don’t know what it’s like to have deep galactic origins or an intrinsic calling to help humanity. It’s so, so tempting, I know. We want to connect with each other. and band together. Feel less alone on Gaia.
I hear you, so deeply, and so compassionately, my loved one. I really do.
But the truth is …
We’re not here to connect with other starseeds. We’re here to help humanity.
Which means that we have to be willing to go play with the other souls.
When we get caught up in cutting ourselves off in the identification of “I am a starseed, you are not, therefore you do not understand my experience,” we miss out on a SWATH of connection that we would otherwise be having.
3D Tribe
Let me paint you a picture.
I have a friend named Josh. Josh is a classic, amazing, kindhearted nerd-weirdo who loves the gaming world and animation and (I truly believe) is the best astrologer I’ve ever met. We connect deeply, understand each other, and I always receive a million signs from the universe (and umpteenth angel numbers) when he and I are together. This human, until very recently, did not identify as neurodivergent. He also “gets” the starseed concept, and agrees with it, but it’s really not a core part of his definition. He’s very focused on what’s going on down on the ground, and isn’t reeaalllyy thinking about his origins other than as they relate to astrology.
But we get along. We connect. I feel seen — so deeply by him. And, of course, more often than not, we do end up talking about starseed topics. We end up talking about the state of humanity. The world. All the reasons we’re here.
Some other friends I have — two sisters who live out west in my second home of British Columbia — They’re who I consider some of my closest friends. They are sisters, to me. One of them is neurodivergent, but the other isn’t (she does,however, live with a disability — which definitely gives us more common ground on the struggles of the ND reality).
They’re not starseeds, however.
They’re elementals.
Their souls come from a loooooonnnggg line of beautiful, strange and unusual faerie lineage and they’re deeply connected to Gaia through her roots in the realms beyond the veil.
But they’re not starseeds.
I love them to pieces. They have never, ever understood my work. They understand what I do in the context of Lighworker, but when it comes to starseed-specific stuff? … I kind of lose them.
But they are still there for me. I still feel safe with them.
If we are adamant that our only source of connection is other starseeds, it’s as good as saying we can only have deep connections with others of the same skin colour, or history, or financial background. It cuts us off.
I know it feels lonely out there, starseeds.
But what if the connection and validity you’re seeking are just meant to come in a slightly different packaging?
How the F* Do I connect?
Whee! here’s the fun part! The part where I give you the solutions.
I want to spearhead this by saying that this process took me years to figure out. Truly. So I want you to consider the following tips and advice keys for an experiment that you might embark on — one that is just as much about the journey as it is about the result (of finding real, true, friends).
1. start walking more
This one might sound random, but if organize your life by constant driving everywhere, you miss out on a lot of those smaller details that come with the enjoyment of being human. Walking along the street not only makes you feel better in your body (I never considered walking something of benefit — it felt like a slow and boring mode of transportation to me), but it is truly such a beautiful way to immerse yourself in the snowglobe of your city/town / area. It gives you more opportunity to connect with nature. It also it gives the opportunity to have more chance encounters with people that may resonate with you. It’s a mild, low-risk way of ‘putting yourself out there’. You’re not doing anything active or front-facing per say, but you are. Literally, putting yourself into your community by walking around it.
2. join a community ANYTHING.
Qi gong, gardening, craft night, cities even have parallel play / silent hangs for people who are nooottt into socializing in the traditional way. Get your head out of “the only way to social is to go to the bar”.
Like hell it is. Find something, anything you resonate with — (I go to a community yoga class that is filled with people with mobility issues and personal things going on in their lives and is a far cry from a perfect, nirvana-focused “om shanti om” kind of space, and I love it). Find something that resonates with you. Try it out.
And if you don’t like it?
Ditch it. Try something else. It’s 2025. No one cares if you go to three classes of something and then quit. Go find something that fits you.
3. find a hobby you actually like that gets you out of the house.
Last year I joined a choir. I am not usually a “let’s go stand with a volume of people in an enclosed space.” it’s not reallllyy my jam — but I knew that living in the small community I’m in that I would need something to get me out of the house and connected to other humans. I have spent more winters than I would like to admit being totally, and utterly alone, and… it’s not pretty. Certainly not when March rolls around and life and humanity itself emerge, whilst I am woefully unequipped for it as I have been in total isolation for the past 5 months.
You need to put yourself in the spaces where you think people who you want to meet might be there. If you feel deeply unsafe / have experienced a lot of trauma, go to a queer-centred event. Even if you’re not queer. There are, however, so many events out there these days where beautiful humans who are so so conscious about trauma and the body and safety and respect, that the risk of you stumbling into a place that feels totally cold and off is much less likely to happen than it would have been 10 years ago. Hell, than it would have been 5 years ago. Use your intuition. Go with what feels yummy and exciting. (Whatever feels the best, no matter how silly / strange / unusual / foreign to us… is the place to go! Years ago I would have scoffed at joining a choir. Room full of people? Worst nightmare. The reality? Room full of other neurodivergents learning to connect and make friends).
The Ouchy Part
I get it. I really do. We’re tired of feeling like we’re the only ones out there, doing the inner work, reflecting light on the planet and diving deep into our shadows in order to continue to ascend. But here’s the ouchy truth: If our minds create our reality (we all know this by now), then are we just thinking sooo much about how there’s no one out there who understands us and no one out there who will sympathize with our journey? Are we convinced that, because this person isn’t in the same depth on their own journey with Spirit and the Universe that they couldn’t possibly understand?
In short, are we cutting people off from where they could, in truth, be really, honestly, good for us?
I know we want connection with each other, and we want to feel less alone — but are we making an effort to put ourselves out there to find / attract friends? Are we trying new things, going out in the spaces where we want to connect, or where like-minded people are most likely to connect? Or are we sitting at home, complaining that there’s ‘no place’ for starseeds to meet each other other than the crappy, catch-all online spaces of the internet?
We’re not here to commiserate about the state of the world by being friends with only each other from the comfort of our homes. That’s how bubbles form. That’s how racism starts. Us-vs-them mentality. We are not, in any way, shape or form, meant to “serve humanity” from the comfort of our, well, comfort zones.
The bottom line is this: You must put yourself out there, dear one. You must try, for a week; a month; six months; however long it takes you for your outer world to change a little bit — to believe there are people out there for you. Lean in a little bit on this journey. Get curious. And let the old feelings of resentment and frustration over “where people are at” fall away.
DISCLAIMER / Final thoughts
I AM NOT SAYING, (sorry for the shout), that you should “go out” and be friends with people who cannot and will not meet you where you are at. Be mindful of your boundaries. Know where you’re giving too much. (If you struggle with boundaries, start with Hailey Paige Magee. Her book was life-changing). You do not need to “lower” who you are in order to find friends and people who really get you. But the people who might be really, truly good for you — they might not be on the same type of spiritual journey as you are. They might not be as far into the process. But heck, maybe they’re better with boundaries than you are. Maybe they’re better with time. Maybe, despite it all, they’ve gone through a different sort of trauma that you have and thus can really help you in those days and moments when you feel like the world is going to swallow you whole.
You must trust there are people out there for you. Go explore.
A last thought:
Here’s another moment you might inherently reject. (Which I am totally here for, by the way. Reject away! Things that are meant for you have a funny way of coming back around. *hint synchronicities and signs hint*)
We might not find what we’re looking for in the city. It’s not going to be true for everyone. Cities are wonderful, unique, interesting places with a million threads of the collective rainbow that allow you to weave in and our of whatever colour you choose. Cities have the promise of ‘jobs,’ if getting a job online doesn’t suit you / isn’t what you want. It has a lot of external… experiential…stuff.
But if you’re consciously trying to live your life in an alternative way — in a way that feels authentic to you, and you’re feeling unfulfilled in a city because you’re lining up with people every day who are addicted to coffee and the news and only want to talk about how the world is going to shit … Finding your people *might* feel like finding a needle in a haystack. If you immediately came up with a reason for why you “have” to stay where you are — stay where you’re living, not change a thing because of some external factor — your kids, your job, your current structure … ask yourself: “is that really true? Or am I scared?”
Is the misery worth the rigidity and lack of change?
As always, grateful for those of you who read my letters.
xo,
Kate
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
⚡ “Inner Sanctuary” is in the works. It’s a self-paced course about building a Home in the Body. It’s got deep journeys, inner work, and trauma stuff. (I even got y’all a discount on theworkoutwitch’s somatic program via the course)!!
Keep an eye out for it. The Program *will* drop in June.
⚡ BASIC MASTERY, my liiiiiveee program, which will be *very smol* (8 people, max), will run in July. It’s the much-needed-only-basics program you should ever need. I’m tailoring it to those who enrol, but it’s mostly going to be about how to *ahem*, use your magic wand of intuition and sensitivity to live the damn life you want. You can pre-register through my instagram by sending me a message, or an email to kate.lightstone@gmail.com
⚡I’m REBRANDING and RELAUNCHING my book. It’s having it’s 2nd debut under the title of Energy 101, and will be available late summer. If you are or know anyone who works well with book formatting and vellum, let’s collaborate! I need help. The book will be available in print, as kobo / kindle and as an audiobook. Yay!
⚡ Readings are open! Go to www.katelightstone.com.
⚡ I love you all! ⚡
