On Timelines and Choice
STOP! Think of something you need direction with.
Hey everyone!
I’ve missed you all.
I took some time off of writing — I was at Shambhala music festival doing readings and reiki (a wild experience that was so energetically loose and flimsy I will not be returning to any time soon), and was travelling across the country to land back on the East coast.
For those of you who are new, welcome. There have been a few new readers who have trickled in since I took a little hiatus and I’m super grateful for each and every one of you beautiful souls who read this blog. (Some of you have been with me for years, wowee!!)
For those of you familiar with my work, I don’t really have a newsletter — I’ve found my home and my people here on medium.com and haven’t really looked back since. That will have to change eventually, as I start dropping courses and other work-related things that have a lot less words in between. (YAY ENERGY COURSES). But for now, we’re kind of all mixed into this reading-rainbow classroom or reflection, musings, and energetic updates.
So, thanks for being here.
If you’d like to sponsor a book purchase for me, you can do so here:
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I don’t make any money from Medium, or YouTube, and taking clients is the only way I’m currently bringing in cash. (working on expanding that… stay tuned). If you like what you read or listen to for free on YouTube, sending a little note my way would really mean a lot. I also love your comments!! So leave those too! ❤
The Flow of Life
I don’t know if you’re anything like me (an AuDHD starseed), but I sometimes have trouble … surrendering. I have a pretty intense trauma background and, being autistic, maintaining control is the way I’ve navigated through most of my life. (Except when I’m travelling, and I let go, and everything just seems to…work). It seems to be a human thing, this holding on, for the most part.
For example: I had intended for weeks to come on here and write an article about the thread of trauma and the way it weaves through people’s lives — mostly unseen, and certainly unnoticed by others — like a piece of thread that’s fallen off your clothing that, try as you might to get rid of, always seems to static-cling itself back onto you and stick around. I had a pretty once-in-a-lifetime experience supporting someone in crisis this summer who was in the throws of the aftermath from a vicious sexual assault. I was the only person around, and ended up supporting them, on my own, for three days. Seeing this person move through their experience — mirroring so much of what I had moved through, on my own, was eye-opening and life-changing. I think I gave myself more credit for the work I’ve done on my own timeline after that. I held onto this idea, this thread-of-trauma article for weeks. Were there other things I wanted to write about? Sure. Did I miss coming on here to share my thoughts and connect with my community? Yup. But I held on, convinced that the idea for the article I had had to be the first reason I came back on here.
Of course, that particular idea is not why we’re here.
We’re here because of all of the harmonious, and connective, and magical ways in which the universe works, I have been recently and deeply reminded of two things that I had to share with you all:
In life, there will always be a path available to take that feels more effortless, more fluid, and more aligned with who you truly are.
You will always have the power and personal prerogative to resist that choice. If you do not choose it, it will not choose you.
Swimming in rhythm with the flow of life requires you to have a loose grip on the things you hold dearly. The people, the places, the relationships, the outcomes you were so convinced were going to look a certain way. It’s loose. and slippery. And often feels more scary.
The lesson I seem to be learning in this moment is this:
Would I rather be scared, and fluid; or in control — and painfully aware of the fact that I feel like something is missing?
Choice and Intuitive Hits
When it comes to your intuition — to listening to that little voice inside you that says “go this way!” or, “let go now!” you always, always, always have the choice.
When we think of the energies of Gaia — of the living, breathing, sentient and energetic world we live in that has a multitude of timelines and realities to anchor into — you always have the choice to decide which one if what you want.
There is no wrong answer.
It simply is. You choose one, and your life unfolds a particular way. You choose another, and the adventure unfolds.
There are no mistakes.
What makes things feel confusing is the need to feel like the decision you’re making is the “right” one. But let me ask you this — the decision, the one that has you feeling like the “right” one — it’s the right one for who?
For your parents?
Your friends?
Your spouse?
If you’re like me, and have a tendency to lean into what will be the ‘best for all those involved’ without checking in on yourself (i.e., forfeiting your own needs for the ‘good’ of the situation), you might have yourself convinced that that ‘right’ decision is the best one for everyone.
…But is it actually the best for you?
Be honest.
Deep down, in your body, in your somatic system, in your heart. Does it feel like the right call for you?
Or is it the one that feels safest?
The one that seems to have the least conflict — appears the most peaceful?
…. Is it really peace if you have turmoil on the inside?
Timelines
This is a gentle reminder that in every single one of our lives, there are multiple timelines that exist — and can be accessed at points throughout our lives. For me, these timelines often surface when faced with love — living in partnership means choosing a timeline and allowing it to play out for as long as it has life in it. Personally, that reality feels terrifying. I either want a guarantee on forever, or I don’t want to go at all. I don’t want any of this “it is better to have loved and lost” bullshit. No, it’s not. I don’t want to love and lose. I want to love; and stay, and keep; or I want to selfishly keep my energy for myself and muse within the patterns of the universe and the cycles of the season.
I can guard my heart that way. Stay safe. And protected.
…But that’s not really growth, is it.
(Especially as autistics), if we don’t engage with our universe — if we don’t experiment, and experience what the world has to offer, how do we grow?
Lucky for Love, I’m a sucker for growth and personal development.
Taking one step, and then another, when we’re not sure of our next step let alone the entirety of the outcome, is how we play the game of life.
It’s how we engage in the flow.
And for me, I suppose, I’d rather be in the river than watching life pass by me on its banks.
Maybe I am willing to have love and lose.
Maybe the journey itself is worth it.
Xo, as always,
Kate ❤
(To book a session with me, you can do so at www.katelightstone.com).
