When Nowhere Feels Like Home

(Starseed Loneliness Pt. III)

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As a Starseed, a lightworker, and someone who feels they are inherently here on this this earth to make a difference —

I struggle with loneliness a lot.

It’s not the type of loneliness that comes with loss — the kind of loneliness that appears as a painful ache inside for something or someone that’s no longer there but was there before. That type of loneliness is acute, painful; rolling into our consciousness with a watery ebb and flow that shares the same murky edges as grief.

The loneliness that comes with loss is specific — you want what you can’t have, and there’s no way to get it back.

As a starseed — someone whose soul, originating from somewhere other than earth, outside of the Gaian system — my time here is poignantly different that those whose souls have been a thread in the weaving web of earth since time immemorial.

I am a visitor to this planet, my soul having incarnated as part of a volunteer agreement to help raise the collective frequency of planet earth. Many souls who are here for this.

Lightworkers, although now a slightly buzzy term, genuinely represents souls whose focus involves working with and engaging with the light. There are many earthly souls, too, who work with the light — but if you ask them about their origins, where they came from, they will respond with a deep reverence and connection to Mother Earth. They will speak of rivers, and trees; of the feeling of wind and the turn of the seasons. They will speak of war, and love, and loss, and heartbreak. They know, intimately, of the trials and tribulations humanity has leapt through to arrive at this point in time — where there is more light entering the planet than ever as we are bringing a collective focus towards healing. They, too, although tethered to this earth, engage in working with the light.

But the souls who feel innately drawn to ‘light work’ — working with the ethereal; believing in, and desiring to connect with their spirit guides; living in a world that feels half real and half like a dream — Most of these souls are Starseeds. (Elementals also work quite a bit with the ethereal, but they too have an innate connection to the earth).

As a Starseed, your ‘home base’ — the origins of where your soul has come from — the star stuff your soul is made of — is connected to a place far, far from earth. Most starseeds are from different star systems: The Pleiades, Orion, Arcturus, Sirius A or B, Lyra … but they’re not from Gaia (planet earth).

[If you’re familiar with the term, forget what’s been said in past metaphysical literature that states most starseeds (or Indigo Children, as the previous generation / cohort was called), are all “new souls”. You can be a starseed and have been cycling around earth FOREVER. Yes, it’s possible!]

As a result of being far, far from our souls origins, starseeds are deeply, inherently, and most often incosolably lonely.

We are constantly lonely.

We’re in a state of this perpetual longing — and for many Starseeds, who may not know they are a starseed (read this if you’re confused), we’re not only spending a plethora of time in a state of deep loneliness, but we’re also managing a deep, penetrative, persistent “why”.

Why am I here?

Why do I feel so disconnected?

Why don’t I feel fully human?

Why don’t I feel like I’ll ever fit in?

As a Starseed, it took me years to accept my truth as a lightworker and being of the light who’s going to be on earth in this lifetime. I used to stare longingly at the stars, feeling a rage and injustice about why I was here on earth and what I could do to “hurry up” and finish so I could get off this godforsaken planet. (Yes, this planet, with its waterfalls, and rainbows, and creatures that fly and breathe underwater, I thought was torture!!) I didn’t understand my purpose, I didn’t know why I was here, and I wanted to go home.

In early 2021, in the midst of the pandemic, I found myself back on the home soil of my birthplace in Nova Scotia. I was living alone, in a ground-floor one bedroom apartment under a city bridge. My nervous system was shot; I was in the depths of processing dark corners of my past and I was so over being here on earth.

Ironically, it was during this time that I wrote half of my energy healing manuscript, an entire oracle deck, and dove into taking clients for channelled readings full time. I got my first 3-month client, and was surrounded in all-things-energy-healing all the time. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, it was that difficult period through 2021 that I eventually became more accepting of my time and role here on planet earth as a starseed and planetary guide. Upon reflection of what I learned during that dark, difficult period, and through other challenges that have surfaced recently, I’ve gained perspective on what it means to be a starseed on this planet and for the large part, have taken charge of my soul-based loneliness.

Here is what I’ve learned:

1. Get curious about your purpose

Getting curious about your purpose can literally be life-saving. Every single Starseed on this planet has a purpose. I talk more about purposes here, but the long-and-short of it is, your purpose as a Starseed / being of the light isn’t necessarily about “becoming” anything. For most of us, in fact, finding our purpose is mostly about finding the thing that lights us up most, and finding ways to do more of that thing, so we can spread our little star-sprinkles of light-based warmth around and affect those around us. We’re here to help raise the collective frequency of the planet, not become doctors or lawyers or the ‘next big thing’ for cash and recognition. (Although if any of those things light you up, try it out and follow them!)

Being a Starseed is about bringing down a perspective of unconditional love and hope for humanity and sharing that perspective through whatever you choose to do in the world. A Starseed friend of mine, for example, is a trans realtor. He’s a badass, (and hilarious), and is literally spreading so much light to his clients and the formerly-stuffy cis-het world of real estate. The results? He’s flying. Not only is he one of the most successful realtors in his area, he’s been asked to work on various boards to help educate real estate professionals about gender and inclusivity. His being (in a trans existence in a narrow-minded profession) is allowing him to spread his light — not his doing (making money as a realtor).

You may have no idea what it is that lights you up right now. You may be so entangled in all of the energies that surround you that you’re not even sure what you want to be doing. But humour me and bring the concept into your consciousness. What lights you up? What could you do for hours on end and not get bored? … Consider exploring that thing and make it a hobby, to start. When we’re in the flow of our purpose — whatever unique, random, specialized soul-code thing that lights you up, you’ll begin to feel like what you’re doing has meaning. And when you feel like what you’re doing each day has meaning … your loneliness will begin to subside.

2. Help others

This goes hand in hand with exploring your purpose. Even if you have no inclination whatsoever as to what your purpose might be, helping others is a great way to learn what you like and what you don’t like — and will get you out of your damn head and into your heart. This tip actually applies to Starseeds and earth-based souls alike — helping others is a surefire way to get your focus away from the things that feel wrong in your own world and get you into a place where you feel like you’re contributing to a little bit of goodness and love. The other important detail that comes with helping others it that it gets you out of the isolation game. Where longing and loneliness becomes dangerous for Starseeds is when they start to slip from feeling a little otherworldly on this planet to withdrawing so far they lose all contact with human connection. It is part of our role here on earth to learn what it is to be human. If you feel like you’ve been here before, part of the cycles of rebirth is forgetting — and it is our role as spiritual beings having an earthly experience to re-member and experience what it is to be human.

No matter how curmudgeonly you feel, humans are social creatures. We need each other. If you’ve totally withdrawn, and are connecting with less and less people, you must pull. Yourself. Out. Of. It. There’s no easy way to do it — you just have to jump into the water that feels colder than you’d like and push yourself go out and connect with people. Whether the folks you meet are Starseeds or not, you’ll feel better, I promise. Be brave and go lend a hand.

3. Accept a nomadic existence

This is a part of being a Starseed that I still wrestle with from time to time. Although it’s not true of all Starseeeds (especially those who have families and children to take care of), there is a certain degree of ‘travelling light’ that comes with this human lifetime as an incarnated starseed. When I tune in to further channel this topic, my guides inform me that this is specific to certain types of Starseeds who wanted to have a “kaleidoscopic” human experience: aka, we want to have it all.

Did you grow up dreaming of “travelling the world?” Seeing new sights, experiencing all there is to experience on this beautiful, watery planet? Then you’re probably in the same boat as me — a nomadic starseed. Nomadic starseeds have uncanny gifts for connecting with people — and when left up to their own devices, guidance and trust in their travels, can manifest some of the most beautiful and unreal human experiences. We get to swim with the fishes, drink straight from coconuts, and sleep on the earth, under millions of stars. …We also tend to struggle to the extreme with the notion of “home.” This experience can be twofold as a nomadic Starseed, as we’re constantly seeking a place that feels like home in our external world, alongside the already-present estranged loneliness that comes from being a Starseed alive on this planet. We tend to hop from place to place, seeking adventure, new experiences, while simultaneously beginning to feel desperate about when we’ll ever find a place that sticks. This can be incredibly de-stabilizing for Starseeds and can be the thing that contributes the quickest to burnout in a Starseed soul. I’ve experienced burnout more times than I would like to admit — landing back in familiar territory, either on someone’s couch or in their guest bedroom, completely depleted (of energy and money) and wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life and where I belong.

Inevitably, however, I tend to pick myself back up and get my feet under me in time to have another soul-expanding experience or to learn a deep lesson while I get into the trenches of everyday life (i.e., regular jobs) and get myself back on my feet.

Nomadic Starseeds aren’t meant to travel forever; there will come a time where finding a soul-home will make the most logical sense. These Starseeds, deeply affected by their immediate environment, aren’t likely to settle down until they’ve found a location and climate that suits them. For many of them, this will mean living in highest alignment with their soul’s desires. Sunshine, snow, or wild headlands and bluffs; nomadic Starseeds will inevitably wander until they’e connected with a place that aligns with their purpose, and until they’re at a place in their lives where they’re ready to accept what’s waiting for them behind that deeply-aligned door.

4. Travel light

Although not all Starseeds will be nomadic Starseeds, there is a call for all Starseeds to “travel light” during our time here on earth. Have you found that you try to collect things and begin to gather a certain amount of “stuff,” only to have it taken away in one form or another? Perhaps you move to a smaller apartment, get a job in a new city, or go on a trip you’ve always wanted to explore and need to sell half your possessions. Perhaps you lose things in an accident: a fire, a flood, a break-in. When it comes to material possessions for starseeds, the key words from the guides are to “travel light.” Because the bulk of our work is focused in the immaterial (light; energy; the unmanifest), becoming distracted with a large amount of material goods only weighs us down. For many starseeds, this awareness comes naturally. You may consider yourself someone who likes things “simple”, or considers themselves a minimalist. Perhaps you get overwhelmed when there’s too much going on, or you don’t really see the point of having too much stuff. Because starseeds are continuously channelling the light through the ways they move through the world, we’re constantly connecting with cleansing energy; so we don’t hold onto much.

5. Create a home within yourself

This is absolutely, hands-down, 150 000% the most important thing you can do as a Starseed to fully dissipate the loneliness that comes with being a star-based soul in an earth-based life. You must, must, must learn to make home within yourself. After many years of feeling confused, lonely and sad, I have finally created the stable foundations of a home within myself (just the foundations; we’re all a work in progress!) and I kid you not, this process has been hands-down the most life-changing detail that has changed my perception of home and safety in this world.

When I was fraught with loneliness a few years back and wishing I could go anywhere but here, did I feel at home and comfortable in myself?

Indeed I did not.

When I was wrestling with the demons and memories of trauma and childhood sexual abuse in 2021, feeling constantly unsafe in my day-to-day reality, did I feel safe within myself?

Absolutely not.

My inner sanctuary, the home within myself, was so splintered it was barely recognizable as what it was meant to be — an inner sanctuary.

This concept took me many, many years to wrap my head around. I understood the concept in theory; “find a home within yourself”; “wherever you go, there you are”, But it wasn’t until recently that I was able to bring the concept into practice and really begin to feel the comfort and safety of having a home within.

The secret?

The path to my inner sanctuary was paved directly through the stickiest, heaviest, most morose layers of my trauma. Cleaning the debris of this inner vandalism and working towards building a strong, steady foundation has taken four years of slow, focused work — and a lot of therapy. If you struggle with finding a home within yourself, the first thing that needs to be established is safety in the body. You may not have to plow through the centre of your trauma like I did to establish a clean foundation, but it is essential that you feel safe and comfortable in the vessel that houses your spirit. If you’re not able to access safety in your body, find a somatic practitioner or research “somatic therapy” on YouTube. There are plenty of amazing resources and free practices available from loving therapists who want somatic therapy to be as free and accessible as possible.

6. Get amongst it / be okay with having friends who don’t get it

This tip was another recent discovery. I’ve spent a long time convincing myself that I needed to live alone (I need a lot of quiet, alone time and ample amounts of space); that no one understood me, and that I would never fit in with friends who weren’t also Starseeds or deeply into metaphysics. The truth? That was total crap. Yes, I do need a lot of alone time — all Starseeds tend to be HSPs (Highly Sensitive People) and feel the world intensely and very deeply. We need a lot of space and time for reflection, solitude, and to return our energy to ourselves when it gets to spread out. What is also true, however, is that I’m a lot less lonely when I live with others. Sure, it’s challenging — I need to find ways to meet my needs for solitude and quiet in others ways (getting up early, wearing headphones, and going for walks / spending time in my room all helps with this). But Frankly, at this phase in my life, living alone has been a lot lonelier. In complete solitude, I get totally stuck in my own head and begin to spin the narrative of how different others are from me. This leads to making socializing more difficult, as I’ve been generally fraught with social anxiety by the time I would rev myself up to put myself out there with others. Living with another human being is a constant reminder of what humanity looks like. It teaches me compassion, patience, understanding, and frankly, to lighten up a little.

This has also led me to realize that having friends, no matter how much you feel they understand your soul-based saga, are essential. Some of my close, dear to me friends know I have a “deep spiritual side”. They know the term Starseed, (although most of them have no idea what it means).

Most of my friends, however, have no clue about the depth of this side of me. They know I’m in the “spiritual biz” (aka, take clients professionally for readings), and that I record meditations on YouTube. They have no idea what a Starseed is. They’ve never read my medium articles, never listened to one of my energy forecasts on YouTube, and probably never will.

This suits me just fine. The thing about being a Starseed in this moment in time, is that thankfully, we have the internet. If all of the Starseeds out there were real-life friends with other Starseeds, we would never throw ourselves into the mix of daily life and get to work spreading our light. We would probably stay huddled in our group of starseeds commenting on the energetic shifts in the collective the way folks comment on the weather. There’s a part of us that needs the reality of our separation so we get out there and spread our love around. If you’re lucky, you might meet another Starseed along the way — or maybe you’re very lucky and have another Starseed friend in your life.

This is relatively rare; cherish this if this is you — while knowing that your paths may not stay crossed forever. As Starseeds we are here first and foremost on a mission — to help raise the collective frequency of the planet. Making human friends along the way is vital to our health and well-being.

7. Have Faith it will get easier

No human is ever going to feel deeply and truly understood by everyone they have in their lives — but if you can find one close person you feel really gets you on a human level — and then find a community online for your Starseedling ways, you’re on an excellent track. It’s okay to feel confused and misunderstood as a Starseed. The person who most needs to understand and accept you on this path is you. Your friends are your support — but ultimately, as a Starseed, you are on this mission alone (with the company of knowing others like us are out there). Connect with your purpose, find a home within yourself, and get amongst this messy, human chaos we call connection and relationship.

The longing to be amongst the stars may not ever leave you, but I promise you — if you give yourself the chance to be loved as a human being in this human world, there’s a good chance your Starseed loneliness may subside.