Fuck Spring
A vulnerability update
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A brief update, and a rant.
I am not exempt from the peaks and valleys of our energetic ebbs and flows.
I stumble, and fall — often.
I fall prey to the habits and rituals of the overwhelmed — hiding in my house, unwiling to leave to run errands and eating chocolate that feels like I’m consuming a life-raft for my nervous system while blocking all calls and texts.
I shut my windows, disinterested in hearing the chatter of passers-by. No music. Craving silence.
I spin out sometimes.
A natural, avid early-riser (I like the silence before the world wakes up — while simultaneously deeply disagreeing with the belief that morning is “better” for an entire population), I stay up into the wee hours of the morning, watching cartoons on netflix and getting sucked into the temptation of having two screens — my phone and my laptop — playing different videos at once (ikyk, no shame here).
I fall out of step; Off my “preferred” wash cycle in the laundry list of life and hobble along to an erratic rhythm of fume-fueled productivity, ill-adapting coping behaviours and reluctant engagement of practices that save me from completely burning out (Hello, meditation).
Sometimes, this coincides with the energy of the collective.
Major holidays. Christmas. Easter. Times where our collective, mangled-modern expression of celebration comes into play.
Sometimes I’m just trying to align my cycle, neurospicy mind and working rhythms against late-stage capitalism that wants to me work till I die.
Sometimes it’s a ricocheted call of impending burnout. My body feels like it’s halfway there already; why not speed up the process? Hell in a hand basket, anyone?
I get like this.
Spun out.
Overwhelmed.
Self-sabotagey.
Hermit mode.
If any practitioner, therapist, or energy whatever-worker tells you otherwise — that they’ve “fully healed” their nervous system and they just “never” fall off track anymore, there is one of two things going on: 1) They’re either living their life in such a way that they don’t ever come in contact with things that challenge them (lovely for a while, but ultimately detrimental to your ability to cope with stressors), or 2) They’re lying, and it’s absolutely bullshit.
So, In the face of an impending crash, here’s my two cents on riding the wave:
The key = During these moments of complete overwhelm and wild-inflatable-tube-man moments of living, I’ve simply stopped giving a fuck.
I know, I know, hard to believe — as a virgo-libra-capricorn-autistic-starseed. I love the idea of perfection. Divine clarity. Perfectly clear channels.
But the wiggly, wobly, uncomfortable truth of the matter is that when it all comes down to this human life, things just don’t unfold like this. Energies change. Frequencies skyrocket and then take a second to balance. Collective waves occur, like when the planet receives a new influx of light from a solar flare or a location suffers as an entirelty.
This incarnation we’re on is the wild west.
So instead of being mad about the fact that I get out of sorts, I’ve started instead to get a floatie, something comfy, and a damn good pair of headphones, and ride the wave.
Somehow, letting go in that moment feels key. I’m not sure if 13 years of meditation taught me that — or if it’s something I’ve spontaneously started to integrate after years of scrapes and bruises from fruitlessly holding on. Let go, ride it out, do what you can to try and keep the landing soft.
Wait it out.
Eat the chocolate.
Stay up late with the two-screen circus.
Watch TV.
Just be, and let it all hang out.
I mean hell, maybe even do something crazy in those moments and make some art. Channel it. Write about it. Dance it out. Compose an incredibly cringey, on-the-nose song about what you’re experiencing right now and how much it all feels to be there.
Just please, I beg of you, don’t put any more pressure on yourself to do anything in any particular way during these waves. You’re in the goddamn rapids, it’s not the time to time yourself on how fast you can swim 800m.
Be gentle on yourself.
And when you feel yourself skitter into calmer waters, pick up where you left off.
The world out there is none the wiser.
Xo Kate
🐉 ✨ANNOUNCEMENTS✨🐉 :
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INNER SANCTUARY is evolving. If I’m being honest, it’s not the course I was expecting to make. Put away your embodiment fluff and prepare for some deep, trauma-healing badassery. (I’m also getting a therapy certification in embodiment and breathwork for trauma, YAY).
Bookings are open from now — July. I have CHANGED my offerings. the offer suite is now: Intuitive Reading, (for life-path and soul-purpose stuff), Intuitive Coaching (for people-pleasing and embodiment stuff), and Akashic Records Readings, because god forbid please don’t muck about and go in there unsupervised. Go to www.katelightstone.com to book.
My book, Starseed Survival Guide, is available here.
I’m currently recording the audiobook and will be re-releasing the book under a new title: Energy 101 sometime in the fall. There will be hardcopies!!
