3 Reasons You’ll Probably Never Marry Your Twin Flame
Ignoring the mud on the internet
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The TF concept
Twin Flames are a hot topic.
Why?
Because the Wild Wild West of the internet has told us that Twin Flames are the end-all, be-all of romantic experiences. It’s like someone got ahold of the TF concept and decided: “this is it: this is going to be the thing that make people lose their minds and spend hours online and thousands of dollars trying to get all the answers, fast-track their way through their healing and get their twin flame to a place where they can just be together.”
This belief is problematic on many levels, but I’m going to spend some time below discussing three of the main reasons you’ll probably never marry your TF. They’re a big three, I promise.
Context: Personal Experience
When you work in the world of metaphysics, you often attract folks who are going through — or have gone through — a similar experience to you, so you can effectively relate to them and guide them from a place of experience. This is something my medium and I talk about on occasion (yes I have a medium I go to, as well!) That as ‘Seers’ for individuals and the collective, we’re put through many deep trials so that we can effectively help the folks that come to us along their spiritual path.
This is why, for the most part, I work with individuals who are intimately experiencing the Dark (or who have been steeped in it from experience or circumstance), Women healing their divine feminine, or Twin Flames.
I met my TF in 2017. We were together, off-and-off, for five years. We broke up four times. We travelled to Mexico, England, and France, and lived in each other’s home countries. We went through phases of being completely broke, got robbed, witness the Cartel in action (scary), and saw crazy phenomenons in the sky that we can only describe as action from aliens. We took on each other’s messy trauma, healed a lot of wounds, and brought more wounds to light. We lived in times of impossible synchronicity, instant manifestation, pure bliss, love, safety and light.
After having known each other for eight years, and spent more than half of that attempted a romantic relationship, we are “in union.” But we’re not “together.”
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. The Twin Flame Connection is a Spiritual Catalyst:
This is probably the biggest misconception about the existence of Twin Flames and what they’re mean to signify to you in this lifetime. Contrary to what the entire internet seems to be spitting out — That your Twin Flame is the “highest expression of love” on Earth, the truth is, that concept is both backwards and true.
The short version of this is that the Twin Flame connection serves one primary purpose on your journey in this lifetime: It catalyses you into the next phase of your spiritual growth.
For many of you, or most of you who have met your Twin Flame, this catalyst essentially jump starts you onto a spiritually-related journey. You don’t always have to walk through this door: I’ve met people who have met their TFs and turned around and run in the other direction, completely uninterested in doing the spirirutal work required in this lifetime. For some of you, meeting your TF might have catalyzed a change in direction in your life you hadn’t seen coming. You might have decided to switch up your job, move to a different place, or make that life-related leap you’d been to scared to take. Simultaneously, this connection often pushes you back into a place of returning to pieces and parts of yourself you had covered, shunned, and turned away from for years. (This was true for both me and my own Twin Flame. Sometimes, (like in the case of one of my clients), it was a catalyst to wake up to that the marriage they’d been in for over 10 years simply wasn’t serving them. They weren’t able to reconnect with their Twin Flame in the way they had hoped, but meeting their TF motivated them to leave their current relationship and look for something more life-affirming and fulfilling.
The purpose of the Twin Flame connection is first and foremost a giant shake from the universe asking you to wake up to your purpose. Take the risk, follow your passion, begin the road to healing your heart. The journey that the TF connection catalyzes is long. It’s not a quick-fix, weekend workshop type of spiritual journey. It’s a put-everything-down-and-re-evaluate-your-life type of journey.
If you have met your Twin Flame, it means your soul is ready to answer a higher calling in this lifetime. Whether or not you choose to answer it is absolutely up to you. I’ve met people who have met their Twin Flames and turned around and slammed the (figurative) door in their faces. They didn’t want the wake-up call, the catalyst, the spiritual growth. And frankly? That’s totally okay too. The beautiful thing about spiritual growth in this lifetime is that it’s always, unequivocally, up to you whether or not you choose to open the door; and then the next, and then the next. You can walk away from it at any time. For those of us who are more closely tied with our relationship to Spirit and the more subtle layers of energy on the planet, walking away is going to feel highly uncomfortable. After giving yourself the much-needed time, you’ll probably come back and take another stab at doing the work. But if you truly wanted to walk away from your role in the TF connection? It’s always up to you. Spirit will never make you stay in anything that your heart truly wants out of. In some cases, meeting your TF is a jarring and negative experience. You can see the road you’d like to walk down with them, but there’s no bridge. Meeting your TF in this lifetime is ultimately a sign that you’re ready to level up into a different type of relationship with yourself and the spiritual work you’re doing. You
2. “Union” can mean a lot of different things
This is one that really got me stuck and confused for a while — and had me researching the internet for answers beyond the spiritual bubble gum I was being fed with the results of every “Twin Flame” google search.
My TF and I met in 2016. We were friends for a year (with a sprinkle of weird hookups and denial of our connection) until 2017. We dated, on and off, until 2022. We finally hit our groove, which meant officially breaking up, for the last time, in October of 2022. We’ve taken time to heal, and reconnected when we were ready. We’re now in a stable place; our own kind of union (finally!). We talk pretty regularly, listen to the stories of each other’s lives, support one another. We’re planning on launching a podcast sometime in the next year.
Truthfully? It’s still a lot of work.
We are constantly dancing the balance of healed / unhealed actions, co-dependent reach-outs (mostly from me; I’m the runner) and a subconscious unwillingness to release the belief of how things ‘should’ look between us (mostly them). The two of us check in on each others’ lives, talk about what’s going on for us, for each other, for the collective.
We never talk about dating.
The truth is, even though the scales didn’t quite tip in my TF’s favour right now (they are the chaser twin, and will always hold space for our union to look romantic), the relationship we have right now is union. It’s just not the union everybody on the internet talks about having. I love my Twin Flame. I hope to always keep them in my life. I hope they find a divine partner, get married, (because they like the idea of marriage), and I hope there’s a place for me in their lives as well. We plan to continue to work together. We are planning to host TF workshops, and eventually co-write a book.
We have a working relationship. We care about one another. This is us in union. Are we attached at the hip changing the world by living in constant synchronicity and having mind-blowing sex? No.* But are we living a life where we can support one another’s journey’s while still laughing at the insane synchronicity of it all? Yes, yes we are.
*Truthfully, the sexual aspect of the TF relationship has also been blown way out proportion. Are you an individual where sexual trauma is something that has been a big part of your life? Chances are that sex in the TF connection is probably going to be pretty triggering to you, then, not mind-blowing.
Most of the TFs out there who are living in ‘Divine Union’ and look like they’re so happy and in love that they could melt your computer screen have devoted most (or all) of their attention, energy and focus to working on and within the Twin Flame connection.
There are lots of Twin Flame YouTube accounts, websites, and healers out there who will give you (and sell you) all of their tools for calling in your Twin Flame, healing your relationship, getting them to ‘come back.’ But the reality is, unless you’re ready to devote and incredible amount of time, energy and focus to this particular connection and all its triggers and sinkholes and ego deaths, it’s probably not going to be the happy, healthy, stable, long-term relationship you’re looking for.
If you have met your TF, and you’re wanting to keep them in your life, but aren’t sure how to make it work, consider reframing what you think when you use the word ‘union’. Maybe you’re meant to be business partners, or pen pals, or really, really good friends. All of these versions still take an incredible amount of work (my TF and I have been at for 8 years and it’s still requires a lot of conscious awareness), but it’s possible.
Since when does ‘the highest expression of love’ have to be romantic?
It doesn’t.
Just give yourself a chance to re-evaluate what that ‘union’ can look like to you.
3. The TF journey is a loooooooonnggg road (buckle up!)
This is one that most people who are in the midst of their TF connection are really (really) terrible at digesting with any type of patience or grace. (SorryNotSorry!)
Trust me, I know the TF connection can feel like the most urgent thing in the world. I know it can feel like your whole world is simultaneously expanding and crashing down on you when you’re waiting for their reply. I know it can feel like the heaviest, most sludgy concrete in the world to wade through if you happen to be in a period of separation (which happens a lot if you are going to move forward with attempting to move through layers and re-connect or maintain the relationship).
Here’s the thing: because the purpose of the TF journey is to act as a spiritual catalyst in your own life, it brings up all of the historical junk within you that needs to be brought forward to heal. The TF journey makes no exceptions. Every aspect, every shadow, every gross, sludgy part of yourself will be brought to the surface and exposed for that you can face it, examine it, greet it with compassion and bring it into your loving arms to heal. If we asked ourselves (or any human, for that matter), to face all of their crap at once, it would crush them. It’s simply not possible to be able to draw up and look at all our hidden parts of ourselves and try to heal them at once. And so, like nature, it takes time. The TF relationship goes through seasons, which does in fact look like many pendulum swings of “reunion” and “separation” for the first few years. Sometimes we hit a point of separation and one twin no longer wants to do the work. Sometimes we hit a season of separation and one twin gets in a car crash, or ends up in jail (both true stories), basically stopping the journey in its tracks for this lifetime. Sometimes we don’t get all the way to the centre of this trip during our time under the sun. Sometimes it takes us many lifetimes.
What I want to express to you is that if you’ve been fortunate enough to meet your Twin Flame in this lifetime — no matter which direction it’s taken, it’s a sign of your deep readiness and spiritual growth as a soul in to growth expansively. The Twin Flame journey is not for the faint of heart, and can become an all-consuming concept to those who are caught up in its wake. If you are on the TF journey, remind yourself that it takes an incredible amount of spirit and courage to be asked to pull back the layers of yourself in a deeply consuming way and step into your higher spiritual calling.
It is always your choice, and no person, relationship or title of ‘union’ can get you there. You are the only person who can walk your path. Claim your sovereignty, trust your gut (and intuition), and move forward — knowing that you are deeply guided and ready for this transition.
The TF journey is a deeply long process. You can choose to step out of it at any time.
Your twin flame may be a reflection of your soul, but you as an individual, in this moment, are already whole.
Thanks for reading!
P.S.! Here’s a great video on the TF concept — and why it’s so much deeper than ‘romantic’ union.
